In His Circle

Stand for a Sister: Cultivating Connection and Resilience through Trust and Prayer | Ep 20

• Tiffany Windsor • Episode 20

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Have you ever stood in the corner of a room, yearning for a connection that transcends the superficial chatter? This heart-to-heart with host Tiffany Windsor and her guest Mary Koning, might just be the beacon of hope you're looking for. Together, we unravel the threads of 'Stand for a Sister,' a movement that champions the creation of a nurturing space for women. It's a no-judgment zone where authenticity is the currency and sharing life’s trials and victories is the norm. We tackle the tough issues head-on, from childhood trauma to the green-eyed monster of jealousy, all while reinforcing the sanctity of trust within our sacred circle of sisterhood. Prayer becomes our transformative tool, and through it, we find the strength to be pillars of support for each other in the most tempestuous of times.

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Announcer:

Welcome to In His Circle, from women for women. We're here to help you find peace in knowing you are in God's hands. Our goal is sharing the Word of God in simple conversations. We're here to help you thrive every day. And now, here is your host.

Tiffany Windsor:

Good morning. I'm Tiffany Windsor.

Mary Koning:

And I'm Mary Koning.

Tiffany Windsor:

And Mary. Today I want to talk about Stand for a Sister. If you would start us off in prayer first, please.

Mary Koning:

Psalm 107, let the redeemed tell their story. So when we stand for a sister, we're telling our story without judgment, with authentic power and knowing that we're safe in God's hands. In Jesus' name, amen.

Tiffany Windsor:

So the subtopic today of Stand for a Sister is it takes a community. Mary and I have been talking about our circle sisters and where everyone is on their path. And how do we stand for our sisters? One is on their path, and how do we stand for our sisters? Well, first of all, we need to be in our authenticity to be able to be that safe place for our circle sisters to come to us when they need guidance.

Tiffany Windsor:

We have to learn to be authentic and in today's world that can be difficult for so many people because they're following and walking on the wrong path. As opposed to listening to what God is telling them, they are sizing themselves up against other women, other marriages, other families. We don't know all the things that go on in these other relationships and I think we may be sizing ourselves up against something that really isn't the truth. I know we'll talk about this, but I just want to get to the point to have this discussion of how do we be the source for people to come to in our little community, in our little villages, and then an extended community throughout the world.

Mary Koning:

And I think that power comes from God first, that we have to have that relationship solid, Otherwise we're going to be moved and blown and knocked over and affected by other people's chaos or circumstances or unhappiness. So when we're solid with God, we know that we're redeemed, we know that we're loved with an everlasting love. We know that if we can't handle something we're hearing, we need to be honest about it. And if we can't handle it, then speak the truth in love but not shoulder those things. I've had to learn that lesson often and over again, where a lot of the trauma and chaos isn't my burden to bear. It's just a point of prayer.

Tiffany Windsor:

Certainly when what I've learned and listened is when you're going through therapy, they take you back to childhood. I will certainly be inquisitive about different circle sisters' childhood experiences and you talk about trauma and parenting and all the things that go on in their lives. I thought it was really interesting when you were talking to me about third graders and you talked about drama and I said what drama do third graders have? And this is going to give everyone who's listening a really great perspective of when you don't deal with those issues as a child. You will grow up with those issues, because a lot of women have the same issues that you're going to talk about.

Mary Koning:

I think the first one I see is denial. So if someone's doing something they shouldn't be doing and they know the classroom rules very well it's always somebody else's fault. It's always pointing in some other direction rather than just owning it. And denial is basically item one in my trail guide, which is are we going to deny the reality of the situation or are we going to face it? Face it with power, and not my power, but power through me and Jesus Christ. So just owning it is a huge, huge thing, and not taking on any shame around the just owning it Like we are not perfect there was only one perfect person who walked the earth. So to just own it and to know that we're learning and growing every single day of our life until we meet with Jesus in heaven. And then being jealous of someone else's you know, not just physical or even what they're wearing or where they live, but it's jealous of, maybe, their peace and their gifts, their abilities, maybe able to roll with things more and not take things personally, also competitive, whether it's academically or physically. And then sharing secrets and I've heard a few things about sharing secrets or sharing intimate details where asking a friend can you handle hearing this right now. Can you take it to the vault, like Brene Brown says? Can you hold this in confidence? You take it to the vault, like Brene Brown says. Can you hold this in confidence?

Mary Koning:

And if you cannot, please be honest, because that's how we become circle sisters is not opening up that feather pillow and tossing those feathers to the wind, which is gossip and talking, and then try and go back and gather every single feather. If we cannot hold that feather pillow closed for a sister, don't hear that information. Just be honest with yourself about that, and I'm trying. I have to be honest. I feel like I can do that, but sometimes I just cannot, and so I need to be careful. Be careful with a sister's secret, and I want to be a safe person. I want to be a trusted friend and I want to be a safe person. I want to be a trusted friend, and so my MO is what I try to do is, if I hear a sister share something with me, I pray and then I forget it. I pray and forget. I can't hold onto it because it's not meant for me to hold, it's meant for God to hold and his hands are big enough.

Tiffany Windsor:

This is where your trail guides are going to come in, so helpful for so many women. Because we forget in the moment. We forget to go back and use the tools that we know or ask our circle sisters for advice. There's some sort of fear of being authentic and letting other sisters know that things may not be going so well. I've never had this experience before, mary, of all of the opportunity we have had to talk and chat and talk in depth and be authentic with each other and support each other. It takes community, it takes time for that, and we're not giving ourselves enough time in community to share like that.

Tiffany Windsor:

I think that some women will just dip their toe into the water and maybe test the friendship quality. We've had wonderful gatherings at your home with beautiful women and some of them are more open about talking about what's going on. I know that they have other avenues to do that. I would love to see women have at least one battle buddy that they know that they can always come to when they need advice, as opposed to trying to hide it behind something. Obviously, the first thing that we do is turn to prayer and turn to God, but sometimes we need to talk to hide it behind something. Obviously, the first thing that we do is turn to prayer and turn to God, but sometimes we need to talk to another woman who can give us some beautiful advice to help us in that day, in that moment, in that week, in that month, in that year, to grow. This is all about growing.

Mary Koning:

And I like what you said, Tiffany, about talking with someone. There's something about verbalizing, making sound and putting words to what is going on. My quiet time, when I journal in the morning, I was talking to God. I was praying for my children. They're just heavy on my heart these days.

Tiffany Windsor:

And you know you have a circle of sisters who are praying every day for you and your children. Can you put a word to what you're feeling right now? Heavy, heavy, heavy-hearted.

Mary Koning:

Okay, my last little chick left yesterday, so I'm getting better at missing them but also just releasing them in their journey to God. That's hard.

Tiffany Windsor:

Well, look at the authenticity you have in speaking your truth right now. I know because you've had these moments before in some of our past podcasts. I cannot believe the feedback we get from women who listen to the podcast and they're so grateful of you being honest in your moment. So I thank you today for that, because we have talked this morning, we've been together for several hours and I did not know how deeply that was on your heart and so I thank you. Thank you, circle Sister.

Tiffany Windsor:

I think when you in these moments I know you do this where you turn to God in prayer because the pressure and heaviness that you're feeling is you trying to solve this moment and this is not your burden to carry. You have raised three incredible children and you have given them tools to come into their teen years and young adults and they're venturing out in the world and they're experiencing life. You have been a beautiful, loving mother to them. I know it has to be challenging because I do not have children For whatever feeling that you have to go through in processing this of letting go, but you're not losing them in that letting go and I wish I could give more words to you to say oh, I've had experience and I know what this feels like. I don't. I just send blessings of love and support to lift that heaviness from your heart, because the Lord knows what your children need and the Lord knows what you need.

Mary Koning:

And thank you for those beautiful words. It has been about releasing them to God, and on a good day I remember that. And today is about remembering to release them back to God because you know they're older and I'm not with them every day. It's a release of control from toddlerhood, you know, when I could control what they ate when they slept, and that's a bit of an unhealthy under control to releasing them into these adult decisions that they're making. That I may not agree with everything, but it's part of their testimony. So I'm trying to remember they have a story and their path is one that they've chosen and there's power in that, because I am not choosing this path for them. So they will have to process and understand the choices they're making and the path they're taking as part of their journey back to God.

Mary Koning:

It's so powerful to speak those words over them and that's what God was telling me. He said you're praying for them in your mind, but I want you to pray for them out loud, because there's something about the sound as God spoke the world into being. There's something powerful about our out loud prayers. So, just by myself, I was just claiming authority over my home and my children and their futures, that they can come to know who they are in Christ, their true identity. And I pray that for all of us circle sisters, that we stand for a sister, that we need each other so much to speak out loud prayers to just own our poor choices and our great choices, to celebrate with each other as we have successes and mourn when we have losses, and not be shamed when we make mistakes, because mistakes are part of life. And when did it not become okay to make a mistake that we don't have it all figured out but we know the one and we trust the one who does?

Tiffany Windsor:

Well, I stand with you. My sister and I know that you and your children are protected by the Lord through every step that they make, and you are all going to flourish. I am so delighted to be witnessing this with you.

Mary Koning:

And maybe at some point we'll talk about what the actual kind of challenges and struggles are. But one of the words I was considering for this year was blooming, and so we will watch the blooming unfold. And I think you know in my mind I was talking with God about how blooming, oh, it's so beautiful and it's just so unfolding and he's like it's a process.

Mary Koning:

If you were a flower, you would know that you've got to break through the outer hard covering and that all of that it takes so much preparation the seed in the ground where it feels like death, cold and dark, and then pushing through all the things you've had to push through and that's the dirt to emerge. But you're not done yet. Now you see some sunshine and yet you still have to push and grow. And it's not necessarily all me, you know it's not out of my own power, it's out of God's power. But we're still not at the flower bud yet. So just keep going, little, little flower. I'd like to end with Song of Solomon, chapter 2, verse 2. Like a lily among the thorns is my darling among the young women.

Mary Koning:

Lord, we just are grateful. We are your beautiful flowers. You're delighted with us. You have great plans for us. In Proverbs 31, we are the women. We laugh at the future because it's full of your beautiful surprises and friendships and hope. So, lord, I speak that over us In Jesus name, amen.

Tiffany Windsor:

Amen.

Announcer:

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Tiffany Windsor

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