In His Circle

The Essence of Spiritual Friendships Through Faith: Chantal Johnson | Ep 15

• Tiffany Windsor • Season 1 • Episode 15

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Can friendships rooted in faith withstand the test of time and distance? Tiffany Windsor and her guest Chantal Johnson unpack the profound steps to building and maintaining spiritual friendships, and discuss the universal longing for deep, enduring connections, and reveal how friendships can manifest in diverse forms and durations. Learn the power of "scattering opportunities" by extending hospitality through simple acts like coffee meetings and community events, encouraging listeners to step out of their comfort zones to nurture meaningful relationships.

Chantal shares invaluable insights on cultivating friendships within a faith-based community, emphasizing the importance of trust and shared beliefs in Jesus. Learn actionable tips for fostering these connections, from proactive invitations and shared activities to integrating God’s word into daily interactions. With personal anecdotes and strategies, learn how friendships, much like faith, flourish through intentional acts and shared experiences. Tune in to understand the true essence of spiritual friendships and the transformative impact they can have on your life.

You can find all our episode information at https://www.inhiscircle.com and join us on Instagram and Facebook. You can also watch our podcast episodes on YouTube - Please join our community!

Tiffany Windsor:

Good morning, welcome to In His Circle. I'm Tiffany Windsor. My guest today is author Chantal Johnson, and we're going to be talking about spiritual friendships. How do we make them and how do we keep them? Stay tuned.

Announcer:

Welcome to In His Circle, from women for women. We're here to help you find peace in knowing you are in God's hands. Our goal is sharing the Word of God in simple conversations. We're here to help you find peace in knowing you are in God's hands. Our goal is sharing the Word of God in simple conversations. We're here to help you thrive every day. And now, here is your host.

Tiffany Windsor:

Chantal, welcome to In His Circle.

Chantal Johnson:

Thank you, Tiffany. It's so exciting to be here. I love being part of what God is doing and in his circle is one of those great ways for us to build friendship and community through the wonderful internet connection.

Tiffany Windsor:

Yes, and I am so thrilled. Chantal and I met recently through mutual friends in the creative craft industry and I learned that Chantal has a new book out and we're going to talk a little bit about this today and I think in future podcasts we're going to talk about this more. But Chantal has a new book out and we're going to talk a little bit about this today and I think in future podcasts we're going to talk about this more, but Chantal's going to be referencing some of the chapters in here, and one of the first things when Chantal and I first talked by Zoom because she's in Texas and I'm in Tennessee one of the topics that came up is I mentioned to her that I don't have long-term friendships and it's been just a path for me that I want to learn how to build spiritual friendships that truly last, and so I think this is a beautiful topic, chantal, for you to dig into today, so let's go ahead and get started.

Chantal Johnson:

Well, Tiffany, I'm like you. I've always wanted and longed for those lifelong friendships. You know, you hear people, oh, I was a friend since I was four, or I've known them since high school or college, and while we've all known people for that long, they've not been in our life that long or continuing. And so, for me, I was like you. I searched for those longtime friends, and when they didn't happen, I thought, oh, my goodness, what, you know, what's wrong with me? Or why are friendships so hard? And then I realized that the Lord gives us people in our lives for the opportunity to share his love, and it could be for a season, it could be for a lifetime. And so what I've, I think, learned over the years and want to share is that friendship comes in all forms and we can build those deep spiritual friendships, whether they're for a lifetime or for the time that we're in.

Tiffany Windsor:

What is your first step recommendation? How do we actually sow the seeds of spiritual friendships?

Chantal Johnson:

Great question, and I like the idea of sowing seeds because it implies that this is going to take a little bit of time. We can have instant friendship. We can have sort of an instant connection on Facebook or or, um, any other form of social media, but it's not really a seed that's going to maybe grow into a friendship, and so there's different ways to sow seeds of friendship. Even across, as you're in Tennessee and I'm in Texas, we can be sowing those seeds. So one way that I think we do that is we scatter a lot of opportunities for friendship. So if we think about all the areas that we are in in our daily life, whether it's through work, through hobbies or interests, whether it's through a church or a community, there's an idea that we can invite, and I think that's so very important.

Chantal Johnson:

There are people who say I am lonely and I need friends, and we hear that go, oh yeah, me too. And the call to action for me is invite, just open the door and invite someone to coffee, invite someone to your home and if that's not a good thing, invite them to a restaurant, invite them to something. That is very simple, and if they happen to say no, ask again or ask someone else, and I think that's the beginning part of sowing the seeds is being open to invite in different areas of your life and with different people. One thing that I do know is sometimes with friendship, we have to determine what we're looking for. Are we looking for someone exactly like me, exactly like you, or are we open to the idea that our friends don't have to look like us, sound like us? We want them to love Jesus like us, but even there we want to be able to share the love and kindness, and so I think that's one area is to really invite. That would be the beginning part for me.

Tiffany Windsor:

So here's what I wrote down. I love this because I haven't heard this before Scatter opportunity. That is beautiful and it reminds us because we can be have a very narrow path. We're walking and, for me, coming into a whole new state, a whole new community. The first thing I did, of course, was reach out to find church, and I visited several churches in my area and I knew when I found the right church and connected, and I'm just starting to build some of those. So I am taking that advice of our church has a beautiful coffee shop that's open every single day of the week and so we'll meet. Sometimes you can see people having, you know, bible study or working on their computers or just gathering, like you mentioned. You can go out into the world or you bring people into your world. Right, I'm set up right now at home. I'm not ready to bring people to my home. How do you navigate that to really understand in building that friendship and what is true friendship look like?

Chantal Johnson:

What I love is that you talked about you're not ready to invite in the home. So there's a lot of different hospitality and I think friendship is is a give and take and I think in the beginning you are to be the friend to point a cliche you're to be the friend that a friend would want to have. And I think we have to. To navigate that path of the friendship is to find out why I want the friendship, because then I think that navigates, I think that directs our path, and because the Lord has called us his friend. What does that look like? And I think for us it looks like I want to be a friend to help either ease burdens, to share joys, to teach or to learn from. I think there's a lot of different layers of friendship and I also want to suggest to you that let's say you say, oh well, I've invited people and they just say no. And they just say no, okay, guess what? You keep going, you find somebody else to invite because there's always, you know, you you've got to keep going until you find quote, unquote your people. And for us that love Jesus, it's the people that love Jesus and it's the people who love us and not know Jesus Right, and so we want to keep asking and keep inviting.

Chantal Johnson:

And then that friendship takes on a different level when we get those people into our home or into the coffee shop, or or we just, you know, we just have a conversation with someone.

Chantal Johnson:

Then we say, okay, I'm starting to learn about this person. Maybe they're struggling with something, maybe they have something wonderful happening, and we learn to celebrate their joys and we learn to help in their struggles and hopefully we're learning to learn more about you know God and his love for us and how he seeks us out. We seek others and we hopefully bring them in. So there's I think there's layers to friendship and not everybody fits every layer right. And I think if we look at Jesus and we talk about and this is kind of a it's not an old example, but it's a timeless one Even in the 12, there were layers. He loved them all, but they all had somewhat of a different connection, and I think that's okay with friendship. Sometimes we think everyone needs to be our best friend, or then they can't be a friend, and I think we can have the same love of friendship, but we have a different connection with different people in our lives.

Tiffany Windsor:

The newest tool I have, of course, is coming to the Lord. So friendships in the past have not been God-centered, but there is a particular friendship that comes to mind for me that has fallen away, and so I initially had reached out through text, hand, wrote a card and mailed it, but I am not quite sure what to do, what to put into that to try and stay connected Any suggestions.

Chantal Johnson:

Those are hard and I think we've all experienced them I know I have and I think in the beginning, when the connection is lost, whether it's over conflict or circumstance or something in their life that has happened and they don't feel like they can be connected to you anymore. I had one friend we had been friends for quite a while and our children are my youngest and her oldest. They were the same age and they were good friends and unfortunately she went through a very messy divorce and when she divorced we were at her house and this was recent. She said I really can't be with you anymore because I'm not married and you're married and it just wouldn't be the same. And I left thinking, oh, that is so sad, because our friendship wasn't based on being married, our friendship was based on a connection that we had, a true friendship that I thought would last. And so you leave from that feeling a little discouraged, hurt, confused.

Chantal Johnson:

And so what I've done with those situations in my life, I've done just as you have, tiffany. I think it's great You've reached out through text or through emails or through phone calls, which we don't do very often anymore. But you know we we make, which sometimes is the hardest one now, where it used to be our only choice. What 20 plus years ago Now? Now it's like our last choice and sometimes we need to hear that, that voice or, you know, they need to hear our voice and the love and intent. If we leave a message and I think once we've tried those, even probably as we're trying those, we're praying for God to heal the hurt that they've experienced, whether it was, you know, the conflict or their circumstance. We pray that the Lord would bring them back into our life. But ultimately we we want to pray that they have wholeness and wellness and love in their life. And if that happens to be we're not connected, then we'll still always have the time we were.

Chantal Johnson:

And that's kind of where we get back to those lifelong friends, in those seasons of friendship where sometimes we can look that if the friendship didn't last long, it's a failure, or if they've pulled away, the friendship is a failure. And what I love to do in those times is say Lord, help me remember what I learned in this friendship, what did I gain? And what I love to do in those times is say Lord, help me remember what I learned in this friendship, what did I gain. What did I give? Because then we can have a better look back at the past. We can say while it didn't last as long as I would have liked to, it lasted long enough for me to share or to give or to learn. So I think part of that, like you said, tiffany, is you do all that you can on your side and then you leave it in God's hands and you just pray for the best for that person and keep an open door. That's the harder part, right?

Tiffany Windsor:

That's the perfect advice, and the gift that I have from that friendship is it's what launched In His Circle. So I feel so blessed. I will definitely always leave the door open. One of the things that's also a pattern for me in my life is I tend to be very independent, very behind the scenes, and so I haven't always worked on cultivating friendships, and because of my past experience on television, you find you have to protect yourself a bit more because you never know what are the true friendships and what are not. Why do you think it's important? I know for me I want to grow community, but why do you think it's important to cultivate friendships?

Chantal Johnson:

And you use the word community and I love that. Community is such a central idea to God's word and we don't stop and think that God is in community because he's God, the father, God, the son, God, the Holy spirit. God knows the blessing and the joys that come from community and I think he wants to share that with us through friendships. And so I do think there is some of that independence in all of us where to have a need sometimes we might think that's weakness and yet for us to share with someone. And again we've got to be at a trust level. So when you first meet somebody and you're having coffee, you may not want to spill everything that's happened in your life, right, Because there is a trust factor. We can do that with the Lord. We trust him with our life, with our highs and our lows, our sadness, our joys. We trust him with all of those things. But we know him and he's proven and he is perfect, right, and he is always there for us. So we meet somebody new, we don't quite know. That it doesn't mean we hold back in a very guarded way, it's just we want to learn more of that person. And then I think as we get into the community as we get into the community of people. That either, you know, for me I look for. Everybody talks about diversity and everything. What I want to look for in friendship is commonality. Yes, it's great that we're all different, but there has to be something that brings us together, and for me, the best thing that brings us together is Jesus. And so from that point on, our friendships can be cultivated and we can open up as we are comfortable.

Chantal Johnson:

Let's say our community, our group that we're cultivating. If it's a Bible study group, a small group, a craft group, there might be 10 in the group, but there might be only two that you feel this connection, that if I share something with them, I know they will pray and they will keep the confidence, and those are the two that you cultivate in that area. It doesn't mean the other eight are not worthy, they're just not exactly where you are in a relationship. And so I think it's really important to cultivate that community and recognize that it takes time to let our independence definitely be a positive right, Because we can help others with that.

Chantal Johnson:

We can have a fierce I know how to do this and I can help you get it done kind of attitude. But what we don't want is I know how to do it and I don't need you. That's where we put that hand up and we just say what we wanted to do is say I do, I don't always have this, I think I do, but I really need some, either wisdom or guidance or just some encouragement. And so I think it's really important, because then we really do know we're not alone on all the things that we encounter. We have the Lord with us, but then we have those, those friendships that we're building and cultivating.

Tiffany Windsor:

You touched upon this just a little bit some practical ways to be a friend and to grow friendships. Let's go into that a little bit more before we start wrapping up today.

Chantal Johnson:

I think it's really important to do some things. I think it's great to go sit and have coffee and talk and share, but I always think it's important to do so. One way that I love to grow friendships and this is kind of where my strength is I love to do arts and crafts and so there is an intentionality with me, with cultivating friendships and doing some practical things is that we make things together. We have different evenings and experiences, so we actually do those things together. I think that's one thing. So I think finding in friendship something to go and do and again it's an invitation the other thing about how we can do practical applications is we don't sit and wait for the invitation. We become the one who is inviting, and I think that's what happens a lot of times.

Chantal Johnson:

When people do go into a group again, whether it's in church or in the workplace or wherever they might go, they're waiting for someone to be a friend, they're waiting to be asked, they're waiting to be invited the whole time while everyone else is waiting to be asked. So be that initiator and ask. And I think that's one practical thing is to go and ask. And it's hard at first man. It's really hard if you're not an extrovert, so for me it's not quite as difficult, right? But if you're not an extrovert, if I'm just going to go ask everybody until I get a yes, just go start with one person, Just pray. You know, Lord, give me courage and boldness and just let me say, would you like to have coffee? Because I guarantee somebody will want to say yes. And so I think asking and I think the doing, find some things that you would like to do and invite others to do those things.

Chantal Johnson:

I think some practical friendships is once you've made that connection don't let it be a once in a while kind of thing. Let's text one another, let's establish a time where everybody can get together, or if only a few can get together, let's do those kinds of things. And then I think sharing God's word is so important in friendship, and it doesn't necessarily have to be a Bible study, it can be, but it also can be sharing a scripture with somebody, with your friends say hey, I. Well, I did this with one friend. She was moving away and she had 41 days or 40 days left in Texas and she was not happy about moving. And every day I sent her a scripture. Every day I found one about being courageous or home or the peace and things like that, and there was a connection and she's in California and we still have the connection. So find a way to work God's word in some practical ways in friendship. So those are a few things, Tiffany.

Tiffany Windsor:

You have given us so much information. I am so grateful for covering this topic, for giving me hope in building my friendships, and the one thing that's been so important to me in in a circle is walking in faith and community, and so when we take it one friend at a time, then you start a community. I love that. As I mentioned, Chantal, you have a book. This is one of many that you actually have in the pipeline. Tell us about this book and you have a chapter on friendship

Chantal Johnson:

It's available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble I think it's a lot of places books are sold online. It's called Blessings Beyond the Page and it's a study on Psalm 119. It's kind of a twofold. I do it by days. This can be done individually or as a group. The first five days could even be done on a women's retreat or a women's week.

Chantal Johnson:

And what it does? It takes scripture and it brings it to the day, because sometimes we can read something and then we close the book and there it goes. And what I want us to see is that you know, blessings literally come off the pages of scripture, and so each day that you do the study is a day of a blessing. Day seven, I think, is friendship, and you have a scripture to read, one to meditate on, and then some practical ways that you find that this scripture applies. And then I just give a little wrap up for some direction, because what I want in this Bible study and anytime we're together, I want the word of God to be wonderful and fresh, and I'm going to use the word easy. I know people don't think it is, but it really can be.

Chantal Johnson:

Writing out the scripture, meditating on it, you find that those words will come to you in seasons or in opportunities throughout the day, seasons of life. You'll say, oh, that scripture just pops into my head and I love that. And so this is one. Like I said, it can be done individually, it can be done as a group. Each week is five days, cause I believe that we need to be in the word seven, but we shoot for five and that's pretty good. Like I said, you can do this on your own or with a group, and it can be as detailed or as easy as you want. I have some that in my Bible studies they literally do the first part where they write the scripture and they don't do anything else, and that's okay because they're getting the word right, and then some go really full on. It's designed to be at your pace and where you're comfortable with and just to see the blessings that the Lord has given us through his word.

Tiffany Windsor:

I love this, day seven. His word brings friendship. You have daily progress and daily prayer, and then you have daily practice and daily praise, so there's space to be able to actually write. I thank you for joining me today in his circle and I know we have more podcast planned for the future and I want to remind everyone who is listening that we are now available on YouTube podcasts, so if you're listening just to audio, you can jump on over to In His Circle on YouTube and actually watch us. Do you mind praying us out today?

Chantal Johnson:

I would love to. I want to give just one quick word. In 2 Thessalonians there's a great verse, and I want you to understand that the Lord is your encourager. He is our eternal encourager. So when you take a step out of faith into seeking friendship, he is on the sidelines cheering you. He is encouraging you to keep going. Let's pray, god. We thank you so much for this day, for the beauty and for the blessing. I thank you for everyone who can hear this and see this, and that just your word is permeated throughout and that they will want to go and seek friendship because of the friendship you have given us. We love you, lord. We thank you. We thank you for Jesus and it's his name. We pray.

Announcer:

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